First Born (Romans 8:28)

 

  Romans 8:28 (ESV) reads, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Being my mother's first born comes with its set of privileges and burdens. On one hand I take pride in helping the woman that gave me life and brought me into this world. But on the other hand, there have been times when I felt as if because I was so focused on standing beside my mother that I had missed out on life. The Lord would set me straight about feeling less than due to the duties that were bestowed upon me. It was my Aunt Mavis that told me that I should never let anyone make me feel guilty or less accomplished for helping my mother. Looking back at my eighteen-year-old self I have no regrets. Twelve years of going through fire, God's hand is still on my life.   

  Early mornings have come with late nights. Getting up at 6am to put my brother who has special needs on the bus has equipped me to be able to get up with the sun and take care of errands. Staying up past midnight to complete a task has developed in me a relentlessness most people do not have. Whether it is reading chapters of a book. Washing dishes. Even finishing an essay or short story. Covering every base before I rest my head and close my eyes is important to me. I cannot help it if that is the way I was raised.  

  Thick skin is a strait of mine that most people ignore. From having an absent biological father. Living under the same roof with a spiteful stepfather. Raised by four strong women. Overcoming obstacles and challenges. Writing to you wholesome and intact. Fighting has become my second language. The battlefield might be physical or psychological. Every battle I face is done with the same posture. My shoulders stand still. My feet are placed together. My eyes are facing the enemy or target that lies ahead of me.    

  Social reform is something I hold close to my heart. I am filled with joy when I witness men and women of my generation change their lives for the better. I am talking about young men who once sold drugs to their communities become legitimate business owners. I am talking about young women who at one point use to sell their bodies turn into productive wives and mothers. This generation has its balance between blessings and curses. Technological advancements are paired with the declination of morals. Despite the nuance this has caused I consider myself blessed. Through God's grace I have been given the ability to use my gifts of the written word and spoken word to talk directly to those who are of the lost and found.     

  Daily I put on the clothes of humility and honor. Whenever I encounter the elderly, they call me sir. I walk past children, and they silently acknowledge me. No matter where I go the Lord's angels are with me. While in prayer I thank God for even the simplest of things (food, clothing, shelter, etc.). Through and through I am nothing more than a servant and a living vessel who obeys God.    

  Father God, let every word enlighten whoever reads them. Let every paragraph hold weight and wisdom. Let every line be soothing as a symphony. Let every gift and talent that you have installed in me help draw every prodigal son and wayward daughter back to you. I, your humble servant stands before you with a mind of humility. A heart of thanksgiving. And an attitude of gratitude. In Jesus name, Amen.